The Traumas of Parenting
by Paula Hines Lonergan

I don't have any kids. I know you know that already. Don't give me any flack about it, however. Parenting is no joke in these days and times. Even parents who ask first if I have kids, then after finding out that I don't, tell me they don't blame me. Parenting is not an easy job.

Andy Rooney said having kids is like sticking your hand in a box of cereal. You never know what you are going to get: a fruit, a nut, or a flake. Knowing me if I had kids each of them would be the combination of a fruit, nut, and flake. A Frunutake. How do you like that made up word? My child would be a frunutake, like his mom. hahaha.

My cousin, who has a 1 year-old little cutie pie girl, jokingly said when the baby cried while I was holding her that babies recognize people who don't like kids, (he was talking about me, of course). That is truly not true. I like kids, kind of. Well, I like them until they cry. Because once they start crying, I don't know what to do with them. So I just hand them over to the ones who do know what to do.

The thing about it is we were all babies and kids at one time of another. And we all cried. In fact, my other cousin says her earliest memory of me is my crying and pitching a fit. Ok, ok, I was probably about 3 years-old at the time. I was allowed, wasn't I?

Raising kids is no joke. It takes alot of time, effort, and energy. How it warms my heart though to talk with different parents about their "hair raising" experiences with their children, the traumas that inevitably come along. To hear how they dealt with the issues, being patient, listening, and encouraging. Those positives are so nice to hear. Because traumas will happens, it's unavoidable.

Traumas happen even with children of the non-human species. I'm referring to my newly adopted fish Beari Betta Lonergan. He is a pretty blue fish. I purchased him at local pet store to bring a little color and calm to my office at work. I talk to him every day and he blows bubbles in response. Or maybe he blows the bubbles for air, but who cares.

One day, I put Beari in a small cup so I could clean his bowl. I started the cleaning project and then went back into my office to answer the phone. About 30 minutes later, I came back to Beari and found he wasn't in the cup. And he wasn't on the counter. My heart started racing and I starting thinking thoughts of fish-a-cide. Who stole or killed my fish?

But then I see Beari on the rug below flipping and flopping. I immediately leaned down and put him back in the water. He stayed limp and still at the top of the water. I fed him and talked with him, trying to encourage him to stay alive. But after all that....

Beari lived. He lived, he lived. He is still alive. Apparently, he had jumped out of the small cup. I know not to leave him alone like that again.

Isn't that the same with kids of the human nature. They need to be cleaned up sometimes, so to speak. And sometimes they want to jump the nest, but find the world outside isn't what they expected or they weren't ready for it yet. So parents have to pick them up gently and encourage and talk with them, staying near to them and continuing to guide them.

That's what our parents did for us. That's what all parents should do for their kids, including the parent of a fish like myself. Dealing and coping with the good and the positive, and the dramas and the traumas.

Copyright 2006 Paula Lonergan.
All rights reserved.